Does this look familiar?
I know, I have been there. Three years ago my husband was medically discharged from the Navy. We were about to have twins and we honestly didn't know what we were going to do. When we decided to have kids we thought he was going to be in the Navy for at least three more years and possibly stay in to make it a career. That all changed. In what seemed like a blink, twins were coming and my husband was out of a job and we had no where to stay. Luckily the hubs was able to find a job within a month and my parents had us stay with them. We were all in a single room. It was tough but we were OK. Soon things were getting better and hope was on the upswing. Then reality came a knocking. Hubs was laid off. Since he was the newest employee, he got the boot first. It sucked.
School was far more difficult than anticipated. With two very new babies and a wife with postpartum depression, he fell behind. We were both doing everything we could to make it work. He made it through the semester but when summer hit, we were having a hard time making ends meet. I started couponing and continued to watch our money very carefully. Out went the dates and the little treats that we indulged ourselves with. It was OK for a while, but you can only stretch a dollar so far. At this point he was no longer receiving the GI bill. Hubs look and applied to countless places. We assumed that since Hubs was a vet people would love to hire him. Um, no. No, they did not. His parents paid for him to have his resume professionally done. Nothing. Everything that we had saved, everything that he had earned was gone. Rent was due, food was needed and there were no prospects in sight. Finally after having family help as much as they could, my dad took me down to the welfare office. I cried when he told me I would have to go. In came the words I had heard over the years. "Welfare people are lazy". I wasn't lazy. "Welfare people never have worked". I started working when I was 16 and only stopped when I moved away with my husband for the Navy. The hubs started working at 18 and had served the country. "Welfare people were druggies and alcoholics". I never had touched the stuff. I had done everything I could to not be in the situation, and yet here I was, in the welfare office with my dad forcing me to talk to them.
To say that office is depressing is an understatement. It smelled of lost hope. I remember getting ready to go and making sure that I didn't take my Coach bag with me (a bag I tried to sell to raise money). Hubs bought that bag for me two years prior for my anniversary gift. It was literally the only "fancy" bag I had ever owned in my life. I shamefully put that bag in a closet and took some other random bag instead, feeling now I had no right to carry it. I was to be "one of them". I had to look the part or else be judged.
After going through the paperwork process, we received our card in the mail. We desperately need the food and money but I begged the hubs not to make me use it. I had no idea where to even take it to. Was there a special store for people that used these cards? I had never noticed anyone with it before. I called the number on the back and found out most grocery stores would take it. I made up my shopping list. Gathered my coupons. I shopped. I stood in line, anxious about how it would go. The lady I checkout with, had checked me out many times before. She had always been nice and pleasant, even helpful. I chose her line because of this. Things were different this time. Gone were the pleasantries, in came the looks of judgement. Not even a "thanks for shopping with us." Just a, "here's your receipt" and a look of anger. My head hung low. I walked out of that store feeling like the smallest person I had ever been. I hated the food that I bought. I hated that card. I threatened to throw it out so many times.
Hubs was still on the job hunt. Luckily one of the services that is provided to you when you enter the program is a job preparation class and placement. Hubs did well in the class and found a job within a month. The job he is currently at now. The pay was far less than what he received in the military but it was a great job. There was potential. It was enough to get us going. I used the government assistance as little as I could. We were doing everything we could to make our expenses as small as possible. We never bought gifts. The first present we would buy for our kids would be for the eventual third Christmas, two years later. Any date that we went on (or now go on) is almost exclusively gifted to us. We had the option after six months to resign up if we needed further assistance. I refused the offer at once. No way was I going through the looks any longer. We down sized to an apartment. We sold or got rid of many prized possessions. We did what we could.
Hubs broke his ankle a little after three months after he started work at his now job. He has been on disability or on light duty ever since. Money is still extremely tight. Many, far too many, times I have to ask for help from my parents, work odd jobs for family, sell another piece of our possessions. All to make it just one more month. But, no, we are not on food stamps.
I can tell you that even though we have been off the assistance program for well over two years now, it still cuts me every time I see a friend or a stranger post something negative and assuming about people who are on government assistance. Most of these people never know that I was "one of them". I am a good person. I have, and my husband has, paid our fair share of taxes. We are honest. All of my nice stuff that a welfare person shouldn't have a right to, ie. smart phone, fancy bag, jewelry, a car, was all purchased before or after us being on assistance. It would be easy to assume that I had bought it when I was on assistance. But that's the problem with assuming, you never can know the whole story. Most will never ask.
Here are some statistics that you should look into:
My way may not be your way, you may have your stuff together and may think if I had tried a little harder I wouldn't have been in that position. Well all I can say is:
